If you can’t fit a bottle of bourbon into your cargo shorts why are you even really wearing cargo shorts? And if your cargo shorts look like something from a Vietnam War cosplay session with bulging pockets and sloppy inseam, should you even wear them at all?
The SCOTTeVEST Hidden Cargo Shorts try to fix both of those problems by hiding most of the cargo. These things are definitely dad shorts but darn if they don’t do exactly what they advertise: they hide everything you’re carrying so well that you’ll barely notice them until it’s time to fish a jar of peanut butter out of your left from pocket.
On the surface, these are $99, 100 percent cotton shorts with eight pockets, including layered and deep pockets that are far less obvious than the huge pouches hanging from the sides of traditional cargo shorts. They have a 10-inch inseam, magnetic closures, and SCOTTeVEST’s expandable “Fiesta” waistband. They can also hold devices like tablets measuring up to 6.4 by 3.25 inches.
Most interestingly, they rarely look like they’re full, even if you stuff large items into the deep side pockets. In fact, SCOTTeVEST has created something that is far closer to a pair of ordinary shorts than a pair of cargo monstrosities.
SCOTTeVEST has always been a strange and useful company. Its basic idea is that clothing can replace at least part of what you would normally carry in a bag. That makes plenty of sense with a vest. Applying the same thinking to shorts is harder because eight pockets full of junk can quickly become eight pockets pulling your pants toward the floor.
The Hidden Cargo Shorts handle this by spreading the storage around. There are pockets inside pockets and deeper sections for things you do not need every five minutes. Your phone, wallet, keys, earbuds, passport, and other small items can have their own places rather than forming one uncomfortable lump in a front pocket.
The hidden aspect is also useful for travel. A passport or wallet can sit deeper inside the shorts instead of sticking out of a conventional back pocket. It is not some magic anti-theft system, but keeping important items out of sight and harder to reach is plainly better than carrying them in an exposed pocket.
SCOTTeVEST also includes magnetic closures, which are one of those small details that make more sense once you start using this kind of clothing. You can get into a pocket quickly without dealing with a zipper every time.
The shorts themselves are refreshingly old-fashioned. They are made from cotton rather than the thin synthetic fabric now common in travel clothing. That should make them feel more like normal casual shorts, though it comes with a tradeoff. SCOTTeVEST’s newer $109 Covert Cargo Shorts use its TEC|Flex fabric, which has four-way stretch and is water-repellent, wrinkle-resistant, and quick-drying. The Hidden Cargo Shorts do not get those features. The Coverts look a little more formal, as well, which could turn off some travelers.
Ninety-nine dollars is a lot for a pair of cotton shorts. But here you are paying for the pocket system rather than some exotic material. If you normally leave home with a phone, keys, and wallet, there is little reason to spend this much.
If you are the person who leaves home with a phone, wallet, keys, AirPods, battery pack, cables, sunglasses, a bottle of bourbon, vitamins, and a small kitten, the argument becomes much stronger.
Again, these are for travelers. I love SCOTTeVEST for that simple reason. Rather than making bigger, bulkier pockets, the company has turned your shorts into a storage system. I’ve been wearing their gear for years, and I love being able to slide phones, keys, and whatever else into the deep, deep pockets and know that when I sit down in the car, I’ll be dealing with things slipping out onto the seat. Instead, I’m secure in the knowledge that my shorts will always be vaguely dad-esque but amazingly useful and surprisingly cool.